50 Reasons to Have Sex BBC Sherlock
by mystic7194
Summary: In How I Met Your Mother they create a list of 50 Reasons to Have Sex. I've written a fic for every reason. The fics are mostly slash from different fandoms including Sherlock, Supernatural, Grimm, and Glee. Most fics stand alone. This story contains the BBC Sherlock fics. Visit my profile for fics in other fandoms. see each chapter for specific warnings, pairings, ext.
1. Reason 1: Because You Can

In this chapter Sherlock can't sleep. John helps him out. This chapter is rated PG for minor violence.

Sherlock is used to going without sleep during cases. His mind will continue to work like a machine throughout the night to solve the mystery he's been faced with. However, there are other nights when Sherlock's mind continues to whirl without a problem to occupy it. The gears of his machine-mind scrape and grind against each other, threatening to tear itself to pieces.

Sherlock's mind fixates on old memories.

_Mummy is disappointed because Sherlock was asked to leave another primary school. _

_A woman's husband is accused of her murder. Sherlock tries to lead the police to the real murder, her jealous co-worker. They refuse to listen; the wrong man is still rotting in prison. _

_An angry classmate pushes Sherlock to the ground breaking his arm. _

Sherlock stagers to the room he shares with John as the images continue to invade the detective's mind and overwhelm his senses.

John has always been a light sleeper. As soon as Sherlock pushes their bedroom door open the doctor is blinking awake.

"Sherlock?" John asks. "What's wrong?"

"The images," Sherlock replies. "They won't stop."

"Let me help you," John states pulling Sherlock on top of him and pressing their lips together. Sherlock's mind quickly quiets.

AN: Enjoy the first chapter of this series. Most of the stories will be stand alone. Reason number 2 will also be a BBC Sherlock story. I'll post it sometime tomrrow.


	2. Reason 2: Makeup Sex

In this chapter Sherlock returns from the dead and John snogs him.

AN: This is based largely on the beginning of one of the cannon stories, The Adventure of the Empty House, adapted into the BBC Sherlock universe. Some lines are taken directly from that short story but I don't give away the solution to the mystery.

In the spring of 2015, London is fascinated by the murder of Ronald Adair. This diplomat's son had been shot in his own locked bedroom. The bedroom is on the third floor of a large house located on a busy street. Nobody saw anything and the flower bed under the room's only window remained undisturbed.

Years of friendship with Sherlock Holmes had left John Watson with an interest in crime. When John heard about the mysterious circumstances surrounding this man's death he couldn't help wondering what Sherlock would be able to make of it. Despite John's own experience with strange deaths he can't think of any explanation that would satisfy the facts.

The next day he decides to take a walk through London and finds his feet leading him past the house where this strange murder occurred. A group of curious spectators crowd the sidewalk in front of the house trying to catch a glimpse of the crime scene. As John attempts to pass, he bumps into an old man carrying several books causing the books to clatter to the sidewalk.

"Oh, I'm sorry, let me help you."

When John tries to return the books to their owner the man snarls at him, snatches the books from his hands, and stomps off. John watches as the old man disappears into the crowd before deciding that it's time to head home.

By the time John reaches his small flat in Kensington, he's largely forgotten the issue. He's just put the kettle on for tea when the doorbell rings. He's surprised to find the old man standing at his front door.

"You look surprised to see me," the old man says before moving past John into the doctor's living room.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" John asks once he has caught up with the old man.

"My simple bookstore is only a few doors down from here," The old man explains. "By chance I saw you enter this flat. I wanted to take the chance to explain my gruff behavior and thank you for picking up my books."

At that moment the kettle whistles. John automatically turns to look at the source of the noise. When he looks back he sees Sherlock Holmes standing where the old man had been.

"Sherlock," the name comes from John's mouth in a combination of amazement and disbelief. He reaches out to grab Sherlock's arm as if trying to prove to himself that the other man is really standing there. Sherlock can see the moment John realizes what Sherlock has done. His look of astonishment becomes a look of rage.

"You bastard," John shouts, pushing Sherlock up against the nearest wall. Sherlock braces himself to be hit. He had anticipated violence as one of John's possible reactions. Instead Sherlock is surprised to feel lips pressed against his own. Everything that John has been feeling for the last three years is poured into the kiss. Sherlock can feel all of the sadness, anger, longing, and regret.

"You died Sherlock," John states between kisses. "You died and left me alone. You selfish bastard. What was I supposed to do?" Sherlock lets John rant and kiss him. He helps as much as he can as John begins to remove both of their clothing. They'd begun having sex nearly six months before Sherlock had 'died' and John's intimate touch had been something the detective has missed during his three years on the run. The same seems to be true for John.

"I missed you, John," Sherlock admits. He hopes things can somehow get back to the way they were.

AN: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. The next chapter is for the Sherlock Holmes movie (the first Robert Downey Jr. one). I'll put it up tomorrow (although by the time I post this it will be today). You could also flow this story on my LiveJournal also under the name Mystic7194.


	3. Reason 5: Revenge

This chapter contains spoilers for episodes 1.3 This might give away who Moriarty is. The pairing for this chapter is Jim/various OCs. The following warnings apply: sex, public sex, and sex as revenge.

In this chapter Jim gets his revenge on someone who's betrayed him by fucking his family.

AN: I almost wrote this with Crowley from Supernatural before deciding to write about Moriarty. If you're a fan of Supernatural, don't worry. Later reasons will be Supernatural fics.

Jeffery Smith missed his deadline.

Jim had put effort into bribing, threatening, and killing a clear path for Mr. Smith's sudden and mysterious rise to the top position in a multi-million dollar corporation. However, now it seems the simpering little corporate weakling had tried to skip out on his payment. Jim wasn't going to let him get away with that.

He starts by fucking Smith's bored trophy wife on the kitchen table where she serves her family dinner.

Next, he seeks out Smith's rebellious daughter at university. She'd nearly bit through her lip trying to be quiet as he'd screwed her against a tree at the edge quad. It's late but that is no guarantee that someone won't walk by and see her with her skirt flipped up as she's fucked hard.

Finally, Jim seduces Smith's barely legal son. The young boy is an incredibly enthusiastic fuck, moaning and begging for more. What would his homophobic father think about the boy begging to be pounded by Jim's cock?

Jim sends Smith a DVD of his family's sexual incidents complete with cheesy porn music in the background. He also uploads it to Youtube, despite the websites ban on graphic content the video resists all attempts to remove it. It quickly goes viral. Smith's parents, co-works, neighbors: within a few days they've all seen the video. Smith is ruined.

But, just to be on the safe side, Jim burns his house down.

AN: Please leave a review. They keep me motivated. Tomorrow I'll be posting the next chapter which will be Lestrade/Mycroft. Stay tuned.


	4. Reason 6: Rebound

AN: Warnings: very small 2.1 spoiler, Minor violence, references to sex, references to drunkenness, cannon infidelity

Pairing: Lestrade/Mycroft Rating: PG-13

In this chapter Lestrade gets back on the horse after finally divorcing his wife… and by horse I mean Mycroft's cock.

Sherlock is an asshole and a self-declared sociopath. But that doesn't mean he's not right. Lestrade wants to make his marriage work but after Sherlock mentions his wife's infidelity Greg can't stop thinking about it. When his wife kisses him, he wonders if she kisses _him_ the same way. When he and his wife fuck (there was a time when he would call it making love but not anymore) he wonders how he compares to her younger, fitter lover. When she comes home late, he can't help picturing her wreathing on the end of the P.E. teacher's cock. He can't stand it. Within a month he moves out and files for divorce.

His wife calls and tries to convince him to try again but after more than a year of trying Lestrade knows they'd just be putting off the inevitable. That doesn't mean he likes admitting that it's over. He hates having to accept he failed.

A few weeks later, when Sherlock is brought in to consult on a case, the detective loudly deduces the news of Lestrade's divorce in front of the other yarders. Lestrade spends the rest of the afternoon at the edge of the crime scene talking to John and keeping himself away from Sherlock as the detective inspector tries resist the urge to punch the consulting detective in the mouth.

"Come to the pub with us tonight," John urges. "We can get you back on the horse." Lestrade tries to make an excuse not to go but John is persistent. Eventually he reluctantly agrees.

That night Gregory gets pissed and lets the boys from the yard (plus John) push him at random women. He spends the night trying to flirt but too many pints and years without practice lead to Lestrade striking out with all of them. At least he doesn't end up with a drink in the face, unlike Anderson. Hours later, he stagers home alone.

It takes longer than he's proud of to realize that there's someone else in his flat. He's going to blame it on being plastered. The 'someone else' turns out to be Mycroft Holmes, Sherlock's mysterious brother. Mycroft is speaking but Lestrade can't focus. He'd found Mycroft sexy since the man had first 'kidnapped' him shortly after Lestrade had met Sherlock. Repeat encounters had turned sexual attraction into what Lestrade was reluctant to admit was a bit of a crush. He finds himself staring at Mycroft's lips. This isn't the first time he'd fantasized about kissing the politician, in fact he'd fantasized a lot more. But acting on it has always seemed like a bad idea.

Luckily being drunk means he doesn't have to worry about whether something is a good or bad idea. He interrupts the elder Holmes with a kiss. The politician responds eagerly. Lestrade leads the other man toward his bedroom.

He's definitely getting back on that horse and he's going to ride it hard.

AN: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm off to bed but I'll post the first Merlin fic tomorrow. Wednesday I'll be posting a John/Sherlock dialogue-only drabble that I had a lot of fun writing. Hopefully you'll have as much fun reading. See you then :)


	5. Reason 8: Nothing Good on TV

Spoilers: None Pairing: Sherlock/John Rating: PG-13 Warning: references to sex

In this chapter John just wants to watch television but Sherlock wants something else. ;)

AN: This story is just dialogue. This is the first just dialogue story that I've written. It was fun not to have to write "said John" or "said Sherlock" and to let the reader fill in what exactly Sherlock and John are doing. ;)

"Sherlock get off my lap. I'm trying to watch Law & Order."

"Dull. The lawyer did it. Isn't it obvious?"

"Not to me, Sherlock. I just want to watch my show. Stop doing that. Get your lips off my neck. Sherlock. Oh god that feels good. Don't stop. Right there. Yes. Yes. Yes. I'm about to come. Fuck! Sherlock!"

"Should I let you go back to watching your show now?"

"Shut up. How'd you know it was the lawyer? The dirt on his shoes or something."

"We watched this episode last week. You fell asleep before they revealed the murderer."

AN: This was probably the easiest to write which surprised me because at first I had no ideas. Then suddenly I'm looking at it around midnight when I'd rather be sleeping and this happens. I like it. I hope you do too. Please leave a review even if you didn't.


	6. Reason 13: DietWeight loss

Spoilers: None Pairing: Lestrade/Mycroft Length: 754 words Rating: PG-13 Warning: deals with issues of weight, references to sex

Summary: Lestrade proves that sex is a more fun weight loss technique than going to the gym.

AN: My internet isn't connected in my new apartment. It was raining yesterday so I couldn't go out to find wi-fi. So today I'll post two things. Below is "reason 13: Diet/Exercise". Reason 14 is "Celebrate recent weight loss" because the two are related I decided to make a picture for 14 instead of writing another fic. Unfortunately, this site doesn't really work with picture so I request that you go look for chapter 14 at my livejournal account also under the name Mystic7194. There should also be a link in my profile.

Growing up Mycroft had been a rather plump child. He'd been born slightly heavy for his size. Relatives would gather around Mycroft's crib to gawk. His aunt felt compelled to "pinch his cubby little cheeks." "Oh I just want to eat up those fat little legs, yes I do," his cousin coos. "Look at that tubby tummy" his grandmother points out. The doctor assured Mrs. Holmes that it was just baby fat. Mycroft would grow out of it.

However, a love of sweets and aversion to exercise had combined to ensure that his baby fat had not only remained but had expanded. Primary school had been difficult at first. A few of the other boys had teased him about his lack of athletic skills. They thought it was weird that he chose to sit on the sidelines reading a book instead of playing footie during recess. But he quickly won his classmates over by stepping in to solve the other student's problems. Mycroft made himself into the indispensable friend that everyone turned to in the time of need. They didn't dare make fun of his size for fear that the next time they needed advice to impress a girl or forgot to do last night's math homework Mycroft wouldn't be there to solve their problem.

Mycroft's weight didn't bother him again until his late teens. When the elder Holmes was entering Sixth Form, Sherlock was becoming a petulant pre-teen. He took every possible chance to ridicule his brother with one of his favorite subjects being the older boy's weight.

"Save some food for the rest of us, Fatcroft."

"Are you having a snack or feeding a small country?"

"I don't think you should go swimming, Fatcroft. A shark could think you're a baby whale. You are as big as one."

Mycroft would sigh, roll his eyes, and pretend he didn't care about Sherlock's insults but the cruel words stung. Sometimes Mycroft's façade of unshakability cracked and Sherlock's cold words made Mycroft flinch. Although Mycroft tried to cover it up, Sherlock rarely missed the chance to exploit Mycroft's moments of weakness. Mycroft eventually could not deal with his spiteful sibling anymore and began making excuses to eat his dinner in his room.

Unfortunately, Mycroft could not avoid Sherlock forever. Sherlock realized that Mycroft was hiding from him and actively sought his brother out. Sherlock was even more vicious with his taunts when he finally found the older boy. Sherlock's inescapable taunting inspired Mycroft's first attempt at weight loss.

Mycroft implemented a strict weight loss regiment that included eating very small meals (with absolutely no sugar or fat) and running every night until he collapsed. He slimed down rather quickly but that did little to alleviate his brother's mocking. Thankfully, Mycroft left for university soon after. Unfortunately, at University the combination of unhealthy cafeteria food and the lack of time to exercise resulted in Mycroft gaining back the weight he had lost.

This was just the first instance of Mycroft's yo-yoing weight problem. Over the next 20 years there would be more than a dozen cases of Mycroft quickly losing weight only to gain it back again shortly after.

After dating for more than a year Lestrade moves in with Mycroft. The move coincides with one of Mycroft's attempts at weight loss. Lestrade found some of his boyfriend's behavior rather odd. Mycroft rarely ate meals with Lestrade. Mycroft had a suspicious tendency to arrive just after Lestrade had finished eating. Occasionally Mycroft would return home in time for dinner but he usually just had tea or picked at the food. Even stranger, Mycroft would glare at anything sugary or fattening as if it had personally offended him. The worst thing, however, were the hours Mycroft would spend locked in his personal gym. Mycroft had barred Greg's entry to the room after it became clear that Lestrade had no interest in exercise beyond staring at Mycroft's bum in work out shorts. Both Lestrade and Mycroft had hectic work schedules (to put it mildly) so for Lestrade to lose what little time he could have spent with his boyfriend to the treadmill is unacceptable.

The next time Lestrade finds Mycroft about to enter the gym Lestrade pulls him into a kiss.

"Gregory?"

"If you want to work out, I can think of a more fun way," Greg smirks before pressing his lips to Mycroft's in another steamy kiss.

*** Approximately 67 minutes and 311 calories of sweaty, vigorous sex later…***

"Beats the treadmill, doesn't it?" Lestrade asks cheekily.

AN: I hope you enjoyed this fic. In my head Mycroft's problem's with weight are more psychologically damaging than the show lets on. Please leave a review. Tell me what I did well and what can be improved.


	7. R 15: finally show childhood bed action

Spoilers: None Pairing: Lestrade/Mycroft Rating: G Warning: None

Summary: Lestrade finds out that Mycroft had a bit of a lonely childhood and attempts to make up for it.

After Gregory Lestrade broke up for his wife for the final time, Lestrade didn't have much family to spend the holidays with. His parents both preferred to spend the winter somewhere tropical and his sister lived in the states. He had received an invitation to visit his cousin in Bath but Lestrade couldn't stand the boastful idiot.

So, Lestrade had planned to spend Christmas in his small apartment with a bottle of scotch and Chinese takeout. Then Mycroft (Lestrade's sort of boyfriend) invited Lestrade to the Holmes estate for Christmas. Lestrade and Mycroft had been something like dating (Lestrade still contended that proper dates don't involve being 'kidnapped' even if one is taken to a nice restaurant) for months now so, despite the potential aggravation of spending the holiday with the younger Holmes as well, Lestrade accepts the invitation.

As the guest rooms are all full of various visiting relatives, Lestrade ends up sharing Mycroft's room. Although Mycroft tells Greg the room hasn't changed since Mycroft left for uni, it doesn't look like a typical teenage boy's bedroom. Greg's room had been a mess most days with dirty clothes hanging off football trophies and comic books (or sometimes more adult reading material) scattered under the bed. One of his mates had punched a hole in the wall during an argument. He'd hidden it from his mum for 6 months by covering it with a rugby poster.

Mycroft's room is spotless. The off-white walls are unmarred by posters or photos. A large bookshelf occupies one corner of the room. It's filled with works by Machiavelli, Nietzsche, Plato, and many other important sounding people that Greg has never heard of in languages that Greg can't identify. The desk is covered in files. Greg picks up an aged piece of paper but whatever is written on it seems to be in code.

"This is just like your study at home," Greg points out after examining the room. "Did you emerge from of the womb running the British Government?

"Gregory, as you well know, I did not attain my _minor_ government position until after university," Mycroft replies.

"So what was teenage Mycroft really like?" Greg asks a hint of teasing in his voice. "Let me guess; young Mycroft was a rebel. You skipped your piano lessons to go to rugby matches and snuck girls- or boys- up here while you parents were at the opera."

"Hardly, Greg," Mycroft replies. "You are the first visitor-romantic or otherwise- to my bedroom."

"Really?" Greg responds, surprised. He thinks about his own teenage years with mates popping round at all hours as well as entertaining the occasional girl. "None?" Mycroft gives him a look like he's being dense.

"Well," Greg pulls Mycroft into a kiss. "There's a first time for everything."

AN: I hope you enjoyed that. Please leave a review telling me what you liked and what can be improved.

This fic has a companion. Unfortunately that companion is Reason 33. If I keep posting one reason a day Reason 33 won't be posted until September 2nd. Should I ignore the order (just this once) and post Reason 33 tomorrow? Review to tell me what you think?


	8. R 19: Celebrate sportspolitical victory

Spoilers: none Pairing: Mycroft/Lestrade and John/Sherlock Length: 724 words Rating: PG

Warning: references to sex, mentions of violence, drunkenness

Summary:

Mycroft and Lestrade both celebrate their victories with sex.

AN: This chapter is composed of two different scenes. Enjoy.

Part 1:

"I can't possibly be away from the office for any length of time, not with the Korean elections so... well, you don't need to know about that, do you?" –Mycroft

After work Gregory Lestrade returns to the flat he shares with Mycroft Holmes. He is surprised to find his boyfriend sitting in their living room perusing an official-looking file. Mycroft had been staying late at the office for the last few weeks working on some government project and Greg was expecting the same tonight. Lestrade had gotten used to Mycroft being away from the flat for weeks because of work. The inspector could hardly complain when the same would happen when he had a complicated case.

"Didn't know you'd be home," Greg states as he leans down to give Mycroft a kiss hello. "Done with your most recent assignment or did you just bring your work home with you?"

"I am waiting for news on a developing situation," Mycroft states without really explaining. "I thought I might get some work done while I wait."

"Are you waiting for something to blow up?" Lestrade asks. "You tend to be quite smug when things blow up."

"No, nothing as exciting as all that," Mycroft denies. "I am merely monitoring an important election. If this election does not go as planned it could result in several long nights at the office."

"Well we wouldn't want that," Greg says. "I can think of a better place for you to spend your evenings."

The ringing of Mycroft's mobile interrupts before he can respond. Mycroft answers the phone with a simple "Holmes". "Oh yes I see… Very good… Go ahead and take the rest of the night off... You're welcome… Goodbye." Mycroft ends the call.

"Good news?" Lestrade asks.

"Very," Mycroft reveals.

"I was thinking about ordering a Chinese tonight but how about we go out and celebrate?" Greg offers.

"As nice as that sounds," Mycroft counters. "I was thinking we could celebrate at home."

Mycroft pulls Greg to him and they begin to make out on the couch like a bunch of hormonal teenagers.

"God, I've missed you," Greg moans into Mycroft's mouth.

"I suggest we take this upstairs. Sex on the couch will leave both of us sore in the morning."

-/-/-/

Part 2:

"Greg, I have 2 tickets for this weekend's rugby game against France and was wondering if you'd like to go," John asks. John, Sherlock, Lestrade, and Lestrade's team are all at the pub celebrating the successful closing of a case.

"Oh well," Lestrade suddenly becomes nervous. "I can't. Family stuff this weekend you see. Maybe some other time."

Shouting from the other side of the bar prevents John from questioning Lestrade further. Tipsy Sherlock seems to be having it out with a drunken Anderson. Sally is encouraging Anderson to "punch him in his smug face." John and Lestrade both move to break it up before they get banned from another pub.

John leads the swaying Sherlock outside and hails a taxi. As they head back to Baker Street John can't help thinking about Greg. He considered the detective a friend. They would often spend time together watching sports, drinking beer, and complaining about the trials of dating the Holmes brothers. But today Greg had made a barely comprehensible excuse to avoid going to a rugby match with him. Was he being brushed off?

"Lestrade has been banned from Twickenham Stadium," Sherlock suddenly states.

"What?" John doesn't understand the outburst.

"Lestrade cannot attend the match with you because he has been banned from the rugby stadium," Sherlock explains. "He was embarrassed to tell you this therefore he lied. Rather poorly I might add."

"What did he do to get banned?" John asks.

"Lestrade invited Mycroft to a rugby match against France last year," Sherlock states. "Lestrade must have become rather excited when England won because he was found shagging my brother in one of the locker rooms. They were asked to leave and not return."

"But couldn't Mycroft use his government influence to lift the ban?"

"Of course," Sherlock reveals. "But Mycroft detests rugby and prefers to use the fact that he is banned as an excuse to not attend any home matches. However I do not mind rugby. We could go the game if you want, but WE won't get caught. Unless, of course, you're into that sort of thing." Sherlock finishes his statement with a wink. John can't help but flush crimson even as he is nodding in enthusiastic agreement.

AN: Mycroft would use sex to make sure he doesn't have to go to anymore rugby games. Clever Mycroft. Please leave me a review.


	9. Reason 22: Stress Relief

Spoilers: None Pairing: moriatry/moran Length: 331 words Rating: PG-13

Warning: sex references, violence, insanity, general moriarty-ness

Summary: Moriarty needs Moran to relieve his boredom… with his penis.

Moran is tracking his target (some portly businessman who had requested Moriarty's help and then fled the country to avoid paying up) using the scope on his favorite rifle when 'I Can't Decide' by the Scissor Sisters suddenly begins blaring from his jacket pocket. His bloody psychopath of a boss has been messing with his ringtone again.

"What?" Moran answers the call.

"How rude, Sebbie." Speak of the devil. "Who taught you to answer a telephone? The correct way of answering is 'hello' or, if you believe Alexander Graham Bell, 'ahoy'."

"Hello, Boss," Moran says without looking away from his target. "I'm almost done here. Do you have another job for me?"

"Shoot the fat bastard and come back," Moriarty commands. "I am surrounded by IDIOTS. I need your cock pounding into me to make the stupid stop. Otherwise I'm going to slaughter all of them. That would be unfortunate because you know how hard it is to find an even remotely tolerable henchman. And if I kill them all there won't be anyone to clean up the blood."

"I'm in Budapest, Boss," Moran reminds him. "It'll take me a couple hours to get home."

"That's why I came to you, Sebbie," Moriarty sing-songs. "I'm lying naked on the bed in your hotel room right now."

"I'll be right there."

"Don't keep me waiting," Moriarty commands. "I packed a suitcase full of C4 in case you fail at relaxing me." Moriarty hangs up before Moran can answer.

Moran quickly dispatches his target and heads back to his hotel room. Moran estimates he's got about 20 minutes before his boss starts blowing things up (probably without bothering to put his clothes back on).

AN: I chose Moran's ring tone because that is one of The Master's favorite songs (from Dr. Who) and BBC Moriarty reminds me of The Master. It just seems to fit.

I love writing in Moriarty's voice. It's very fun. This is possibly my favorite chapter of this fic.

FYI: I answer my phone 'ahoy' sometimes.


	10. Reason 28 Time an egg

Title: Reason 28. Time an egg

Spoilers: None Pairing: Sherlock/John Rating: PG Warning: References to sex

Summary: Sherlock wants to do an experiment involving eggs and sex.

AN: This one's short.

"You want to do what, Sherlock?" John asks.

"It's a legitimate experiment," Sherlock states.

"What sort of legitimate experiment involves using sex to time an egg?" John asks.

"My experiment," Sherlock argues.

"If you think sex only lasts as long as it takes to boil an egg then you've been having sex with the wrong people," John informs Sherlock.

"We'll hardly know if you refuse to participate in the experiment," Sherlock counters.

"Fine. Fine. But I'm telling you by the time we're done all the water in the pot will be gone and the eggs will be lumps of charcoal."

AN: A few of these reasons make me wonder "Who would do that?" This is one of them. Please leave a review.


	11. Reason 33: Keeping up with the Neighbors

Title: Reason 33: Keeping up with the Neighbors Spoilers: None Pairing: Lestrade/Mycroft ; John/Sherlock Rating: PG-13 Warning: Sexual references

Summary: John and Sherlock hear Mycroft and Lestrade having sex next door so they decide to have sex themselves. That'll show 'em.

This is a companion to reason 15. You should read reason 15 first.

Meanwhile in another childhood bedroom next door...

"They're having sex," Sherlock Holmes suddenly declares in a disapproving tone.

"Excuse me?" John Watson looks up from his e-mail. He's sitting at a small desk in the childhood bedroom of the younger Holmes brother. It looks exactly as John would have expected right down to the holes burned into the carpet.

"They- are- having- sex," Sherlock declares emphasizing each word as if John is an idiot.

"Who's having sex, Sherlock?" John questions.

"Mycroft and Lestrade" Sherlock states as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

John shouldn't be surprised. He had known that something was going on when Mycroft has revealed that he's be bringing Greg to Christmas dinner at the Holmes estate but the couple's sex life wasn't something that John had thought about.

"What's your point?" John asks.

"My point," Sherlock spits out. "Is that my dear brother and our favorite detective inspector…

"Are you jealous?" John says cutting off Sherlock's rant.

"Jealous?" Sherlock replies. "No of course I'm not jealous. Why would I be jealous?

"Because we can have sex as well if you'd like," John offers casually. "That would show them."

"Brilliant," Sherlock pushes John down onto his own childhood bed and that is exactly what they do.

AN: Please leave me a review.


	12. R38: from a country haven't had sex with

Title: Reason 38: because he/she is from one of the countries you haven't had sex with a person from yet

Spoilers: 2.03 Pairing: John/Surprise Length: 288 words Rating: PG Warning: implied sex

Summary: 'Three continents Watson' tries to finish out the other continents.

AN: This one was kind of difficult because I couldn't help thinking 'who does something like that'. I had to write something about "three continents Watson." So it's more continents then counties.

John is out with some old army friends. It's the first time having a night out since Sherlock died. He's more than a bit tipsy when the subject of his love life comes up.

"So how's Three Continents Watson's love life?" one of his old teammates asks. Three Continents Watson was a nickname that John had received for his variety of sex partners during his service.

"Did you finally make it all the way around the map?" someone else asks.

"5 out of 7," Watson explains. "I'm just missing South America and Antarctica. But seriously who lives in Antarctica?"

It's an interesting coincidence that John meets just such a person later.

He's at the bar getting another round of drinks when a thin man with glasses bumps into him. They get to chatting.

"So you're a doctor?" the man asks.

"Yeah," John agrees. "Clinic work mostly. It's not particularly interesting. What about you?"

"I'm a doctor of sorts too," the man answers. "I'm a scientist. I've been doing research for the last couple of years at in Antarctica. I'll be going back at the end of the month."

"Antartica, really?" John is pretty sure that it counts.

Sherlock leaves Johns apartment (his new apartment not 221B) in the morning. He catches a cab and begins taking off his disguise. His cell phone rings. A blocked number.

"Hello, Mycroft."

"Good morning. I trust you and the doctor had an excellent night and now we can get back to dismantling the spiders web."

"Shut up Mycroft."

He'd just planned on checking in on John but when he'd overheard talk of "three continents Watson" he'd had to take what could be him only chance to experience it for himself.

AN: Please leave me a review. Tell me where I can improve.


	13. Reason 39: calves look good in shorts

Title: Reason 39: "Damn, your calves look good in those cargo shorts" sex

Spoilers: None Pairing: Lestrade /Mycroft established relationship Rating: PG Warning: implications of sex, brief mention of body issues

Summary: Mycroft hates wearing shorts but when he finally wears them Lestrade is gob smacked by how good he looks.

"My?" Lestrade asks. He's just finished loading up the car and he's come inside to fetch his boyfriend.

"Gregory."

"We're supposed to be leaving to meet your brother and John at the beach, My," Lestrade states.

"I am aware," Mycroft responds.

"Then what's with the suit?"

"I am…"

"No," Lestrade cuts him off. "I don't want to hear it. A suit is not appropriate beach attire. Go put some shorts on. "

"I don't own shorts," Mycroft says the last word with disgust.

"Lucky for you I bought you some when I was out last week," Greg smiles. Mycroft gives a sigh but knows when to give in. "They're in the top drawer of your dresser. There should be a t-shirt in there too."

Lestrade does a final check that they have everything while waiting for Mycroft to get back.

"Happy?" the question comes from the doorway. Lestrade turns to look and ends up gob smacked. He's always thought Mycroft was attractive but those shorts take it to a whole new level. Mycroft's calves look absolutely amazing.

"You can stop staring," Mycroft says. "I am aware that shorts hardly suit someone of my physique."

It takes Lestrade a moment to figure out what Mycroft is talking about. Sometimes he wants to throttle Sherlock for contributing to Mycroft's body image issues. Mycroft thinks Lestrade is disgusted when it couldn't be further from the truth. Lestrade wants to take Mycroft right here on the couch as he runs his hands over the government official's strong calves. He decides to do it.

He pulls Mycroft into a kiss. The other man is startled at first but returns the kiss. Lestrade maneuvers then to the couch and begins to remove the clothes his boyfriend just put on.

"The beach can wait," Lestrade says right before he sucks a dark mark on his boyfriend's neck.

"Sorry we're late," Lestrade says when they get to the beach an hour later. "Traffic."

"Yes there can be quite a pile up in my brother's pants," Sherlock deadpans without looking up from the family he's observing a few feet away.

Normally Lestrade would be embarrassed but right now he's too happy to care.

AN: I love Mystrade. I think Lestrade could really help Mycroft with his body image issues. Please leave me a review. Tell me what you liked and where I can improve.


	14. Reason 40: texted the wrong person

Title: Reason 40: Called/texted the wrong person but she was into it anyway

Spoilers: 1.3 Pairing: John/Surprise Rating: PG Warning: implications of sex, drunkenness, implied drunken sex

Summary: John attempts to text Sherlock him feelings but things don't go as planned.

AN: This takes place sometime in 1.3 between meeting Jim and the pool scene.

Sherlock hasn't had a case in nearly two weeks which has made the detective bored and rather irritable. As usual, this resulted in John bearing the brunt of his stormy mood. He would come home to acid burns on the rug and bullet holes in the walls. When John is home Sherlock ignores him in favor of sulking on the couch in his bathroom. But that changes when John leaves the flat. Some days he'll barely make it too blocks before receiving a text from Sherlock. The texts range from "Bored" to "Pick up sulfur" to "Why are you so dull?" Most days John will turn his cellphone on at the end of his shift at the clinic to find dozens of messages. However, when he finally returns to Baker Street Sherlock is back to ignoring him.

John wonders why he puts up with Sherlock. Then he remembers that he's besotted with his flatmate. He loves running through the streets of London chasing criminals and solving crimes beside the genius detective.

But the love and awe John feels for Sherlock doesn't stop him from wanting to strangle the other man. So when Lestrade invites him to the pub John welcomes the chance to relax. In fact he welcomes it a bit too enthusiastically.

"Are you drunk?" Lestrade asks. John is having trouble walking straight and has begun slurring his words. If he isn't drunk already, he's teetering on the edge of inebriation.

"Maybe," John answers with a too wide smile. "Maybe I just want a break from my problems."

Lestrade 'hms' like a man used to listening to drunken ramblings.

"Or problem," John continues taking a deep drink from his beer. "One tall, thin, curly-haired, gorgeous, irritating, detective-shaped problem. Some days I can't decide whether to kiss him or strangle him."

"Maybe you should tell him, mate," Greg says clapping John on the shoulder as he heads to the bar to get another beer.

"I think I will," John replies aloud even though Greg is already gone. He chugs the rest of his beer for a bit of liquid courage and pulls out his mobile. After that his memory gets a little hazy.

John wakes up to the sun streaming through the window. He groans as his hangover begins to make itself known. He rolls over and realizes that this isn't his bed. His first thought is that it might be Sherlock's bed. Maybe his confession of love went really well. His dismisses the thought. The rug isn't covered in acid burns and it's too pink to be Sherlock's room. How did his confession of love for Sherlock end up with him in a stranger's bed?

Then the rest of last night suddenly comes back to him. John had typed out a heartfelt confession of love and friendship. He thought he'd sent the text to Sherlock but soon after Jim, Molly's boyfriend from St. Bart's IT department, arrived at the pub.

"I'm surprised to hear from you Johnny-boy," the effeminate man had said. "I didn't know you felt that way. Why don't you come back to my flat and we can talk some more." John had been so drunk that he just went with it. They headed back to Jim's flat but hadn't done much talking. The sex had been surprisingly good.

He hears Jim moving around in the other room singing quietly. From the sound of pots and pans banging, it seems like he's making breakfast. The kitchen is between the bedroom and the door so there's no way John can leave without being noticed. Not that he was the sort of man to do that anyway. John lays back down and tries to prepare himself for a rather awkward morning after discussion.

It gets even more awkward when Jim reveals that he's going to kidnap John and strap him in semtex.

AN: Mircosoft word doesn't like how I spelled "semtex" and the first spelling correction is semen. I thought you guys would get a kick out of that. Please leave me a review. It's almost the weekend so hopefully I'll get some writing done. Also, in my headcannon Jim is great at sex (that's why Molly stayed with him).


	15. Reason 44: Wingman

Title: Reason 44: Wingman Diving on the Friend Grenade

Spoilers: Episode 1.1 (but seriously if you haven't seen 1.1 what are you doing reading fanfiction) Pairing: Sherlock/John ; Mycroft/Lestrade Rating: PG Warnings: none

Summary: Sherlock plays his brother's wingman and meets an interesting ex-soldier.

AN: Originally this was a Supernatural AU where Sam drags Dean on a date with Meg and her roommate (Cas) using pie as a bribe. Then Dean has sex with/starts a relationship with virgin!Cas while Meg ties Sam up and steal his wallet. But it wasn't coming together so instead I wrote this Sherlock AU with Mystrade and Johnlock.

Sherlock's eyes survey the pub as if he's expecting something to have changed in the 5 minutes since he last looked. Is it too much to ask that one of the 58 people (59 now, a widowed nanny just walked in) in the pub be something other than dull? 17 people are here looking for one night stands, 7 people are cheating on their significant others, 5 people are going through divorces, 3 people are sleeping with a co-worker, 1 man is beginning to regret quitting his job, 12 people are thinking about quitting their jobs, 3 people were recently fired, and 1 rugby player is in love with his straight teammate. Dull. There's a girl out with some friends who accidentally ran over her neighbor's cat last week and buried it in the bushes but that's hardly something to alert Scotland Yard about.

For the 7th time in the last 15 minutes Sherlock thinks about leaving. Mycroft, sitting across from him in their corner booth, clears his throat and looks up from his phone to give his brother a disapproving look. Mycroft is right of course. There's no way Sherlock is going to give up the chance to have Mycroft owe him a favor (even a favor with some attached conditions). He'll endure playing his brother's wingman on his first date with the admittedly not completely idiotic detective inspector for access to a few crime scenes.

The consulting detective even agreed to try not to piss off his own date too quickly. Honestly, Sherlock will consider the night a victory if he makes it home without being punched in the face.

It's then that their dates enter. Mycroft freezes mid-text as he catches sight of the graying police officer. Mycroft does his best to appear completely in control but Sherlock can see through the façade. His brother is a master at manipulating the people around him into doing whatever he wants but when it comes to dealing with someone as an equal and trying to make them actually like him Mycroft is completely out of his element.

The detective inspector is followed by a small, brown-haired man with a limp who Sherlock assumes to be his own date.

"Sorry we're late," the older man says when the pair reaches their booth. "Traffic was worse than I expected. I'm..." He reaches out his hand to Sherlock.

"Detective Inspector Lestrade," Sherlock finishes for him. Lestrade looks confused so Sherlock explains. "You arrested me once."

"Did I?" Lestrade asks. "Nothing serious I hope."

"No, just youthful indiscretions," Mycroft interjects before Sherlock can answer. He tries to change the subject. "I don't believe we've met." Mycroft directs this comment to Lestrade's companion. Sherlock suppresses a snort. As if not having formally met someone would keep Mycroft from knowing everything about them, from their primary school GPA to their shoe size.

"I'm John Watson," the small man says, shaking each of the Holmes' hands in turn.

"I am Mycroft Holmes and this is my brother Sherlock."

"It's nice to meet you," John says as he shakes Sherlock's hand. When Sherlock doesn't return the sentiment an awkward silence e stretches between them.

"Why don't Gregory and I procure us some drinks," Mycroft offers. Mycroft and Lestrade head to the bar leaving Sherlock alone with John.

"So, Afghanistan or Iraq?"

"Sorry?" John is confused by the question.

"Which was it, Afghanistan or Iraq?"

"Afghanistan, how did you know?" Sherlock explains how he deduced it and all the other things he could deduce about the ex-soldier. He gets an unexpected reaction.

"That's fantastic."

"That's not what people normally say," Sherlock states.

"What do people normally say?" John asks.

"Piss off," when John lets loose an unrestrained laugh Sherlock realizes that this will be much more interesting than he thought.

AN: I've already promised to expand the pregnant!Cas/Destiel baby story and the Famous!Kurt story but are there any other stories I've written (I'm mostly thinking about the 50 Reasons series but if there's something else please tell me) that you'd like to see expanded? Tell me in the comments. I'm trying to finish this up soon but I have two projects due this week and an exam next week. Comments keep me motivated please leave me one.

Reason 45 should be a Grimm chapter. It'll hopefully be up by tomorrow.


	16. Reason 44B

AN: Reason 44 didn't contain anything close to a sex scene. As ariadnechan pointed out that kind of misses the theme of the series. So I tried to fix that with this little addendum. I hope you enjoy it.

Sherlock finds himself actually enjoying himself as the night wears on. He entertains John with stories about the other patrons. He drinks in John's amazement and praise. He begins embellishing the stories a bit just to see John smile or laugh. They both end up drinking a bit too much and laughing a bit too loudly.

Mycroft glares at them whenever they become too loud. His own conversation with Lestrade begins a bit more awkward then Mycroft had anticipated. There are just too many topics that are problematic. Mycroft can't explain what he does; he doesn't have much time for television or films; he doesn't keep track of any local sports teams… Eventually Mycroft just listens while Lestrade talks about his work at the yard. Mycroft offers to help Lestrade with a troublesome co-worker. Lestrade gives him a strange look and politely rejects the help before continuing with the story. This leads to a discussion of the yard's inter-departmental football team. Lestrade seems to be a rather integral member of the team. Mycroft inquires about attending on of Lestrade's matches. Lestrade readily agrees. He would quite enjoy that.

When John and Sherlock begin giggling like school boys and John nearly falls off the bench seat, Mycroft decides that it's time to wind down their evening.

"I believe it is time that I retire. May I give you a ride home detective-inspector? Doctor?" Mycroft asks. Lestrade nods. Sherlock promises to get home safely. They say their goodbyes and make their way out to the waiting car. Lestrade sits so close to Mycroft in the backseat that Mycroft can feel the inspector's warmth against his side.

Mycroft walks Lestrade to the door of his flat. Mycroft expects to be invited in for tea and sex. Mycroft doesn't always enjoy sec but he understands that sex is often a necessary part of keeping a boyfriend. Mycroft was taught when he just started working for the government that sex was sometimes necessary to get what you want.

Mycroft lingers at the door. There's a palpable energy in the air. Lestrade eyes stare at Mycroft too long, standing too close before he finally leans forward and presses a kiss to Mycroft's lips. It's a good kiss. It's electrifying, all heat and want. When Mycroft slides his hands up Lestrade's chest, intent in taking off the inspector's clothes Lestrade pulls away.

"Not tonight," Lestrade responds. "It's too soon. I want to do this with you right. Slow, proper." He kisses Mycroft again more chastely this time. Mycroft turns to leave, reading Lestrade's actions as a rejection.

"Football match at 6 on Saturday," Lestrade calls after him. "I expect to see you there. I'm buying you dinner after." Mycroft smiles. He'll be there.

* * *

Sherlock and John are laughing about the woman 2 tables over who dresses her pugs up in little costumes and re-enacts classic movie scenes when Mycroft decides it's time to leave. Sherlock offers to bring John home. Lestrade and Mycroft leave together.

"My flat is around the corner if you'd like to come up," Sherlock offers. John agrees. They make it too the flat largely without incident although they are both swaying a bit as they walk.

They barely make it inside the door before Sherlock presses a bruising kiss to John's lips. Sherlock is running on enthusiasm and alcohol. This man is intriguing. He doesn't dismiss him or call him a freak. He's in awe of him and for Sherlock adoration is definitely a turn on.

Sherlock reads John like a book. He finds all of the places that make the doctor moan, gasp, and squirm. John has his first orgasm just inside the door to Sherlock's flat. They actually make it into Sherlock's bed for the second. John passes out after the third.

John wakes up the next morning sore and a little hung over but feeling incredibly happy. He rolls over and finds the other side of the bed empty. Sherlock must already be up. He's not sure what the protocol is here. Should he quietly leave? He puts his clothes on and tries to sneak out.

"I ordered breakfast," Sherlock says as soon as the bedroom door is open. The table is laid out with some of John's favorite breakfast foods. The amazing smell makes John realize how hungry he is.

"Thanks," John says. He puts some jam on a piece of toast and begins to eat.

"How do you feel about the violin?" Sherlock's question breaks the silence.

"I'm sorry what?"

"I play the violin when I'm thinking. Sometimes I don't talk for days on end. Would that bother you?"

"What?"

"You're looking for a new place to live aren't you?" John nods in agreement.

"I get a great deal on this place. There's even a spare bedroom if you would want it," Sherlock continues.

"But…" John protests.

"Come on," Sherlock argues. "Great location, cheap rent, AND sex. Who could argue with that?"

John tries but he can't think of anything especially when Sherlock's foot begins caressing his genitals under the table. That's how John ends up moving into 221B Baker Street.

AN: I really like how that turned out. For some reason it's firmly in place in my mind cannon that Mycroft has messed up ideas about relationships and sex. That shows here. I hope you enjoyed it. Now hopefully ariadnechan's Sherlock icon will stop making disapproving faces at me.


	17. Reason 48: To reinforce good behavior

Title: Reason 48: To reinforce good behavior (such as shaving & dental hygiene) bSeries:/b 50 Reasons To Have Sex

Spoilers: None Pairing: Sherlock/John Length: 655 words Rating: R

Warning: Blowjob, sex as a reward, a little D/s-ish

Summary: John rewards Sherlock's attempt at good behavior with a blowjob.

AN: This reason inspired me so there are two chapters for it. I'll try to have the next one up by tomorrow.

"Of course the boy was skimming money from the till. Just look at his ears," Sherlock rants. Lestrade had called Sherlock in to give his opinion on the body a construction worker had found partially buried in concrete. Now Lestrade's team (plus John) are forced to listen to Sherlock rant about how simple the solution to the case is. "Your team can see, but they can't observe."

Lestrade is amused by the critism. It's mild compared to Sherlock's usual scathing insults. In fact, Sherlock has been rather well behaved lately. Sherlock hasn't called Lestrade's team idiots or stolen Lestrade's ID in a fortnight. Lestrade is a bit suspicious of the sudden change but he isn't about to question the good fortune.

"Your team…" Sherlock continues. He pauses as John loudly clears his throat. Sherlock's entire demeanor changes. "However, your team was able to recognize that the victim was not killed here. Good work. We should investigate the victim's workplace. Although I'm sure you would have reached that conclusion on your own, Lestrade."

"Why don't we meet you there?" John offers. Lestrade agrees and the crime solving duo takes off toward the main road. As they move around a corner and out of sight of new Scotland Yard, John pushes Sherlock up against a wall and presses their lips together into a heated kiss. John finally pulls away when he needs to breathe.

"John," Sherlock gasps against his flatmate. The doctor can feel Sherlock's erection pressing against him. Sherlock is just like Pavlov's dog. John only has to kiss Sherlock to have the detective rock hard in anticipation of what will come next.

"Do you think you deserve a reward?" John teases. "You nearly forgot the rules. You were about to insult Lestrade's team and you know that's not good."

"I'm trying, John," Sherlock grunts as he unconsciously thrusts his erection against John's thigh. "Please."

"You have been trying to behave," John admits. "You could've even been considered polite this week. Lestrade is beginning to get suspicious. I guess I should reward your effort."

John cups the bulge in Sherlock's pants and gently trails his fingers over the zipper. Sherlock is practically shaking by the time John decides to stop teasing. He unzips Sherlock's trousers. Sherlock's cock springs out, hard and leaking. John drops to his knees and trails his tongue along Sherlock's shaft. John licks Sherlock's cock a few more times from root to tip before taking it in his mouth. He sucks hard on the head and Sherlock's knees nearly buckle. Sherlock's grip on the wall behind him is the only thing keeping him standing. John takes Sherlock's entire cock in his mouth while using a free hand to massage his flat mate's balls. A few hard sucks are all it takes for Sherlock to come down John's throat. John swallows, licks Sherlock clean, and tucks the detective back into his pants.

John pulls out a napkin from his pocket and cleans them both up the best he can. To the average person it wouldn't appear that they were just doing something unseemly around the corner from a crime scene. Of course someone as observant as Sherlock or Mycroft would be able to tell exactly the type of activity they'd been engaged in. John just hopes that Mycroft is too busy running the government to pay attention to his brother's sex life.

"There's more where that came from if you can keep from insulting anyone else until we get back to the flat," John promises as they resume their journey to the main road to hail a cab. Sherlock stares at him a moment; his brain still not functioning at 100% so soon after his orgasm. It amuses John that blowjobs make the great Sherlock Holmes as stupid as everyone else.

"Fine," Sherlock replies once his brain had rebooted. "That shouldn't be too difficult."

"Including Anderson," John adds sternly.

"But Anderson isn't a person."

AN: I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review.


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